Whenever the phone rings when my kids are not with me brings with it the tiniest bit of fear. But I must say I was totally unprepared for today's call.

I was at work when the phone rang. It was an unfamiliar local number but this time I was so caught up with what I was doing that I didn't think twice about it. There was hesitation on the other end of the line when I picked it up, so I thought it was either a nervous job seeker or salesperson. When the person identified herself as SG's school nurse my heart stopped a little. Remember SG is the one with the IhardlyevergetsickandwhenIdoitisforabout3seconds superpower. I jumped out of my chair, keys in hand ready to run even as I uttered the words "Is he ok?"

No, no, he's fine came the reassuring voice of the nurse. Ok, then why are you calling me? Well, she says, SG's teacher sent him to me. I'm waiting for the - he was complaining of a stomach ache or his feet hurt or something. Nope. She cleared her throat and I can tell was shuffling her feet a little bit. What the heck??

So she started. It turns out my son had a hole in his sweatpants, high up on his inner thigh. I didn't notice it when I sent him to school that morning, but that hardly warrants a call. Well, apparently, when my son dressed himself this morning, he neglected to wear underwear! How the heck did my child go to school with a hole in his pants and no underwear?!? Now, this is bad enough, but my son tends to still be quite fascinated with his - er - nether regions. During the day he was apparently so preoccupied with himself that he was not paying any attention in class. He was too busy pulling said nether regions through the hole in the sweats. The teacher said she tried to discreetly correct him, but that when other kids started to tell her about it she had no choice but to send him to the nurse.

How embarrassing!! I don't know who was more mortified - me, the nurse, the teacher, or my son who had to eat his lunch in the nurse's office waiting for his father to come dress him!!

Clearly he is his father's son. I would never have done that!


A quick Gish story:

The other day SG was teasing him and saying that he was a baby. Like all 4 year olds, Gish does NOT like to be called a baby! He is a big boy and don't you forget it!!! Well, SG said "You are a B A B Y! That spells baby!" Gish calmly looked up at him and rather than fighting the point of whether or not he was a baby he said "no it doesn't."

SG: Yes it does! B-A-B-Y spells Baby!!
Gish: No, it doesn't. It doesn't spell baby.
SG: YES IT DOES!
Gish: No it doesn't.
SG: (frustrated) MOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

I Should've Studied Harder

When you have kids, they should come with a manual - the first part of the manual should include how to do simple things like changing diapers, feeding, changing clothes, burping, etc. I remember SG had been home for about 4 days when I called my sister and said "am I supposed to wash him or something like that? How would I go about doing that?"

The second part of the manual should be the answers to all the impossible questions. SG has this habit of asking me all the real zingers. Dad gets questions like "how do cucumbers become pickles?" I can answer that one. "Where does lightening come from" I could probably make my way through that one. I get questions like the one he asked me yesterday in the frozen section of the supermarket. He waited until it was just the two of us and hit me with - "What number comes before infinity?" What a fabulous question! Leave it to my 6 year old to make me feel dumb. Who the hell knows what number comes before infinity? I suppose I could have answered "all of them! All the numbers come before infinity" but I didn't think of that at the time. I am still reeling from the time he asked me if the future exists - because if it did, he wanted to know what was going to happen in it. My son the philosopher. I ended up answering much the way I imagine many mothers would ask that question - "That's a great question! Let's go ask Daddy!"

Ok, now a couple of stories: first a SG story from a couple of years ago that still makes me laugh. We were driving through the mountains and it was incredibly foggy - we could barely see 100 feet in front of us.

Daddy says to SG - Wow! Look at that fog! Have you ever seen anything like that?

SG reponds - I don't see it.

How can you not see that? It's all around us! It's everywhere - surronding the car.

I don't see it.

Look out the window. You see all that white misty smokey stuff? (A bit of irritation creeping in at this point)

Yes, of course I see the white smokey stuff - but where is the FROG???


And what blog entry would be complete without a Magician tidbit:

I came home from work one day to find a friend of my au pair's sitting in my family room, calmly watching television with my child wrapped around his neck like a neck warmer. He had one arm wrapped around Magician's legs and the other wrapped around his neck. Gish was wrigging like crazy and calling out in his meanest voice "you want a piece of me?!?" Priceless.

Oh, and one last Gish thought - walking to school the other day and Gish is singing. SG denies any affiliation and declares Gish "weird." Gish responds" "I'm not weird, I'm BAAAAAAD."

Called for a meeting - gotta run.